In the midst of the most important tournament in his decade-long career, Worlds 2022, Kim "Deft" Hyuk-kyu was at battle – Not only with the best players in the world, but also with himself.
"It's a little funny to say this," he revealed in a hotel tower overlooking New York City, "But I want to win Worlds because, ironically, I want to quit playing the game. If I win Worlds, I'll finally be able to quit the game that I loved for all these years with no regrets."
Since beginning his career as a bright-eyed teenager in the Spring of 2013, the clock of his life seemed to be ticking ever-faster. Shedding his former life as a meek high school student, Kim Hyuk-kyu donned the mask of pro-gaming icon "Deft," debuting on stage at 17 and never looking back.
By 2014, he was already a domestic champion, lifting the league trophy with Samsung Galaxy Blue. That would also be the year he made his first trip to the world championship, the pinnacle of League of Legends. He fought hard to the semifinals, only to be ousted by sister team and eventual tournament winners, Samsung Galaxy White.
Next year, in 2015, Deft moved abroad for the first time to live in China and play for Edward Gaming. It was here where his stardom began to blossom. More titles. More world championship appearances. Award shows honoring his play. Then, eventually, a dramatic return back to South Korea to compete in his home league once again. In what felt like the blink of an eye, the 17-year-old who picked up League of Legends as a hobby to make friends was now an adult, about to turn 26 on stage at Worlds 2022.
The Summoner's Cup, a world title, was the final piece missing from the esteemed portrait of his career. A single trophy that weighs 44 pounds but seemed to hold much greater weight in Deft's words. The clock that once ticked away uncontrollably had come to a halt, and he was left stuck wondering where all the time had gone.
"I've gained a lot from playing this game," he said. “So when the time comes, I'm going to pat myself on the back and take some time to take care of myself.
"Whatever I do, I don't want to be ashamed of myself. I don't want to realize one day that I've changed for the worse."
*Tick, tick, tick…*
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As Deft's age rose, so did the questions about his retirement. His deadline for enlisting in South Korea's mandatory military service was quickly approaching. The early world championship losses that once marked new chapters of his career pushed him closer to its epilogue. In 2021, he failed in the quarterfinals for the fifth-straight time at Worlds as part of Hanwha Life Esports.
It was a wall he couldn't overcome. The once-open field he ran through began to shrink, a dream fleeting in time. At the start of the 2022 season, he rejoined his former team, DRX, an organization equally wrapped in the haze of uncertainty.
That year, DRX assembled a ragtag group of players around Deft from various professional backgrounds. His support, Cho "BeryL" Geon-hee, had made the previous two Worlds finals, even winning it in 2020. The team's mid laner, Kim "Zeka" Geon-woo, was a teenager returning home after two years playing abroad in China. Hwang "Kingen" Seong-hoon and Hong "Pyosik" Chang-hyeon were two players searching for their own path as pros in the top lane and jungle.
They were a motley crew of personalities and experiences. From the outside, an imbalanced structure propped up by a veteran duo in the bottom lane. A team almost assuredly destined for mediocrity. Their failure would be a forgettable finale to the career of one of the best to play League of Legends.
"I had a feeling that I was going backward," Deft said in a pre-Worlds interview from Mexico City. "My records, which people outside could see, weren't improving over the years. My influence on the team, both inside and outside of games, seemed to be dwindling."
In a year that saw Korean stars like T1 finish the Spring season with an 18-0 record and Gen.G finish the Summer with a 17-1 scoreline, DRX were fodder for the giants to feast upon. They had some spirited runs throughout the year where Deft pushed his team into playoffs, but it seemed all for naught. They couldn't keep up with the favorites, and worse yet, they couldn't keep up with the other stepping stones along T1 and Gen. G's path.
"We played well at the beginning of the Summer season," Zeka said when asked about the team's 2022 domestic play. "But then our performances were disappointing afterward. We lost our momentum and self-confidence, which worsened when we lost the playoffs."
Left with no other options, DRX entered the regional last-chance qualifier for one of the final tickets to the world championship. It was an uphill battle from the start. They had a single life to win back-to-back matches to qualify.
Their fans flocked to the venue in the heart of Seoul to hope and pray for advancement to Worlds. Somewhere lingering unsaid in the back of their minds, they feared it may be their last chance ever to see Deft play.
"I was seriously thinking of quitting if we failed to win the Regional Finals," Deft admitted. "I am doubting myself more and more often. In the past, I thought I was the best and didn't care much about what others said. But over the years, I failed to accomplish the results I wanted."
However, Deft's run didn't end in the Regionals, as DRX, through almost sheer grit, survived two consecutive five-game series to qualify for Worlds. Last-minute substitutions in the jungle, near-second timings going their way, and perseverance from all players and coaches ultimately led them to Worlds qualification.
From the brink of elimination to the bliss of survival, DRX now faced a harsh reality. In a matter of days, they were to embark on a 14-hour trek from Seoul to the Play-ins of Worlds, starting at the bottom of the hierarchy. No team had ever come close to lifting the Summoner's Cup from that position.
"If I can show something about myself that can [satisfy] me, well, maybe I won't be playing anymore next year," said Deft during the Play-Ins. "I want to prove that they are wrong with my gameplay. So I'm hanging on, keeping motivating myself.
"I don't have anything left that I want to have in my life. My one last goal is to win Worlds."
*Tick, tick, tick…*
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A small group of his friends celebrated Deft's 26th birthday.
Well, a few thousand were also in attendance at The Theater in New York City's Madison Square Garden. And several million more were watching from home.
After advancing through the Play-ins and surviving the perilous group stage, DRX had made it to the Knockout rounds at the world championship. Eight teams remained with a single-elimination bracket set to crown a winner.
On the day he turned 26, Deft and DRX had a date with the reigning world champions, Edward Gaming. Deft had played on the same team for two years earlier in his career. Coincidentally, the farthest he ever made it with them was the exact top-eight placement he presently found himself in.
Two of the players Deft was closest to on that team, mid laner Lee "Scout" Ye-chan and support partner Tian "Meiko" Ye, had gone on to lift the Summoner's Cup in 2021 while he sat observing from home.
"Old friends for so long, they achieved a lot together in China," said analyst and commentator Marc Robert "Caedrel" Lamont on the quarterfinal matchup. "But now, they're rivals, and Deft has to stare Meiko in the face. Deft is such a historic and achieved player, but he's never made it past the quarterfinals at Worlds.
"[Deft's] always been knocked down, and now he has to knock down EDG, one of the first teams he ever found international success on."
From the surface, it seemed that regardless of the outcome, Deft could exit smiling, knowing at least his friends would advance on. But inwards, the constant battle with himself had been waging for some time now. The walls were closing in around him as the hourglass grew thin. This was a personal barrier he had to overcome.
A fragment… something deep inside his head he had to extinguish.
"At first, when I saw Meiko and Scout winning the Worlds, I'd like to celebrate their achievement," said Deft. "However, my feelings gradually changed -- they achieved their goal, which made me feel behind them."
After dropping the first game in the best-of-five series, Deft found himself in what appeared to be the perfect position. Up in gold with minions pushing in the top lane, he teleported to EDG's base as a hectic battle waged on in the Baron pit. He saw a split-second opening to end the game himself and tie the series.
The crowd's pitch amplified, reaching a crescendo as Deft stood before EDG's Nexus. He was one shot away from seizing the momentum of the series. But then, time stood still as the lone downed inhibitor respawned from behind, and Deft's Ezreal stood silent, shooting at an indestructible fortress.
All the progress made evaporated in a single moment. The light at the end of the tunnel was closed. Deft was downed in disbelief as the reigning world champions EDG went up 2-0 in the series.
"When we lost the second match, the Nexus was just one hit away," Zeka said. "I was like, 'ah... do I really have to lose this way? If I lose just one more game, I could really be going home.'"
At a moment where a 3-0 sweep for EDG was all but expected, the gears of fate continued to turn towards the unpredictable.
Over the next three games, DRX would stage a comeback for the ages. Deft pulled out the executioner, Draven on his last legs. He put on a show in game three, miraculously recomposing himself after the heartbreak of the previous game. His team rallied as they had done at the last-chance qualifier in Seoul. After a voyage that had taken them over 10,000 miles across the planet, DRX refused to kneel for the odds or gods against them.
In the final game, Zeka, not Deft, shined.
The player who was only ten years old when Kim Hyuk-kyu donned the mask of "Deft" for the first time on stage. Zeka broke down EDG's Scout, slaying him repeatedly, painting his outline across the canvas that was Summoner's Rift. He presented his veteran teammate with one of the best birthday gifts imaginable.
"Today was my first time seeing Deft cry," Zeka said in the post-match interview, situated in the same high-rise where Deft weighed his future just a week earlier. "It was a bit cute but funny at the same time. During the fifth game, there were moments when Deft was happy, and I was proud of it."
On stage, the crowd serenaded Deft with a rendition of "Happy Birthday" and presented him with a cake. His tears marked a significant milestone for him and his team. Deft had made it back to the semifinals for the first time since his debut Worlds in 2014.
The rest of DRX were fighting for their own personal glory, but they all knew the importance of the run they were on with their tenured teammate, even if they couldn't say it to him themselves.
"When I look at Deft, it's like I'm watching a pro League player's biography," Kingen said. "It's like he's a living historical figure. Deft, and I have always thought he could have done better at the end of each run.
"So it would be amazing if we could rise to the top together."
DRX's victory celebration was short-lived, as they were soon back on a plane to their next destination: the semifinals in Atlanta.
Although the comeback in New York City quelled one feeling of envy inside Deft, more ghosts from the past awaited him as he departed south. A former teammate, Jeong "Chovy" Ji-hoon, stood in his way as part of the No. 1 seed from South Korea, Gen.G. And behind him, coaching, was another former teammate in Go "Score" Dong-bin, a friend whom Deft once believed would be beside him when he first touched the Summoner's Cup.
If the battle with EDG was one of overcoming jealousy, then the fight with Gen.G was about regaining lost confidence and pride. A team that he couldn't manage to win a single game against during the 2022 season. A stage, the semifinals, that Deft had never overcome.
"We think it was a miracle that we advanced through the quarterfinals," he said. "The feeling of achievement that we had after winning an important match, I believe we shouldn't indulge in things like that."
State Farm Arena played host to the tournament's semifinals, and for the second series in a row, DRX quickly fell behind. It was a straight knockout punch from Gen.G. One, that, in the domestic season, would have spelled the end for DRX.
Yet, this time was different.
Despite their stumbles, the crowd was filled to the brim with cheering fans who had come from all over to watch DRX play. Their screams reverberated through Deft's mind as he and the rest of his team headed back to the locker room.
"Whether in LCK or at Worlds, of course, there always were fans cheering for us, but the voices cheering for the opponents were louder," admitted Deft. "So I was trying to ignore them during the matches. But, in the semifinals, although we lost the first game, so many people still cheered for us that I felt very fulfilled during the match, thinking, 'Ah, I was doing a good job.'"
What started as a tilted bout between a rangy David and seemingly invincible Goliath quickly began to shift. The walls of the stadium reverberated with encouragement and cheers for DRX. Gen. G's once clean, oppressive play started to show cracks. They made mistakes, and DRX, hungry to capitalize, pounced on any opportunity.
DRX tied up the series 1-1, shifting the momentum in their favor. As the two teams returned to their respective dugouts, the noise in the venue had already proclaimed a victor. On this day, DRX, Deft, and the Atlanta crowd refused to accept defeat in the semifinals.
"When I took off my headset, the sound of the crowd erupting was deafening," said Beryl. "While I was receiving the fans' energy, I felt like a hero."
Gen. G's small openings became sizable gaps by the fourth game in the series. The unstoppable titans of the Summer season looked like mere mortals in teamfights. Chovy, considered by many to be the best in the world, buckled and drowned in the moment's pressure.
The team's superstar bottom laner, Park "Ruler" Jae-hyuk, threw counterpunch after counterpunch but eventually fell as well. And instead of a climatic map five, the Goliath of Gen. G had toppled in the blink of an eye.
The sea of onlookers jumped to their feet in turn. A new milestone for Deft reached—the Worlds finals.
The inner clock that was frozen for so long, painfully weighing him down, finally ticked onwards.
"I felt stuck in one place for a long time instead of moving forward," said Deft after defeating Gen.G, "I even felt that I was going backwards sometimes. I think that I am freed from these feelings this year. This year, I don't know how much time has passed, but I was able to feel that I'm moving forward."
Despite the cramped makeshift interview room where he found himself backstage, it seemed as though Deft had never been more comfortable at the world championship. The doubts that had been gnawing at him back in Mexico City seemingly faded.
Deft spoke openly about the facade of his public persona. He admitted his in-game name was a mask created to make himself braver in the face of adversity. This "Deft" character was the competitive gaming android that could wow audiences and withstand the pressure of stardom.
Now, defenses stripped away, he was simply Kim Hyuk-kyu, smiling to himself at what he and his team had accomplished.
"I don't know when, but many people started to define me as a player who ended because of the injury, because I'm too old, or that he can never win the final," he said. "I think I managed to change those views throughout this tournament, and I'm proud of that."
Deft's answer had changed when asked if the upcoming final could still be the closing act of his career. The game that caused him so much inner turmoil now had him beaming like a rookie, eager to continue learning and growing.
"I only knew about myself back then," he said. "I was playing a single-player game back then, not a team game. I think I am now qualified to be the player at the finals in a team game called League of Legends."
He gave himself the benefit of the doubt for the first time—that pat on the back he always hoped to earn.
"Honestly, I was never proud of the player Deft," said the man behind the mask. "But today, I think he's just great, and I'm proud of him."
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Kim Hyuk-kyu wasn't someone who looked for attention.
As a boy, he was introverted, often keeping to himself and playing games at home to occupy himself when not studying. In high school, through no choice of his own, he enrolled in Mapo High School, a prestigious academic school known for its science curriculum.
It was in a different neighborhood from where he lived, so he found himself alone in a school of strangers. It was isolating.
"I didn't get along easily with strangers," he said. "If no one came closer to me, I could just be there by myself all the time. I was that kind of student."
His sanctuary came in the form of League of Legends. After every school day, he would race back from his classes to play the game he found safety inside—a place where he excelled. He could be himself there, free from the pressures of social interaction.
Kim Hyuk-kyu's melancholy school days were eventually shaken when he heard a rumor that someone at Mapo was a top-ranker on the League of Legends solo queue leaderboard. He was also climbing the ladder, albeit slower than the rumored prodigy during this time.
"In high school, I remember being surprised when I heard that there was a player who was the first or second place in solo rank," Deft said. I remember thinking, 'Maybe I could catch up to him', ... Even if I had a higher rank, it wasn't like I had many friends to brag about it."
Kim Hyuk-kyu discovered that the rumor was true and the boy behind the account was a classmate named Lee Sang-hyeok. The shy high schooler quickly resolved to meet him.
"One day, I happened to know that Faker existed," he said. "I got curious about how he looked, so I went up to see him. But he wasn't there because he left to have lunch. I have the memory of not seeing him that way."
The other boy, Lee Sang-hyeok, would soon don the ID of "Faker," embarking on the most remarkable career in League of Legends history. Faker only became aware of his high school rival once they coincidentally joined the professional league at the same time.
"When I was in my first year at Mapo, my rank [increased significantly], and my friends began to recognize me," said Faker. "I didn't know that Deft existed when I was still in school. I heard there was a guy who played League well and thought it was interesting that we are from the same high school.
"Back then, I thought I was better than he was. So I didn't care much."
Over the next few years, the game of League of Legends would change their lives forever. Kim would adopt the persona of Deft, and Lee would ascend as Faker, winning a world championship in the first year they went pro in 2013.
Again, Deft was left chasing a rival he couldn't reach, no matter how much he poured himself into his new career.
"Faker had the spotlight and also won the Worlds from the beginning," he said. "But on the other side, I'm starting from the floor. He affected me too much because we are from the same high school, but he won so easily. Of course, it wouldn't have been only easy, but I was jealous of him winning from the start."
As Faker adorned the covers of magazines and television specials, Deft pursued him close behind. Faker solidified his place as the franchise star of T1, South Korea's most prestigious gaming organization. Meanwhile, his Mapo counterpart was a pinball, bouncing between teams and leagues in pursuit of his own glory.
At the end of 2019, Deft found himself at a crossroads. After a disappointing season where he failed to qualify for the world championship, Deft was on the verge of forfeiting. He didn't, though, thanks to a bright rookie support who begged him to stay.
His name was Ryu "Keria" Min-seok.
"Before Min-seok and I played together, I was in a situation where I might leave the team," he said. "Back then, Min-seok said he would make me win Worlds if I played with him. I trusted him and stayed."
Deft was astounded by his young companion's work ethic and skill. The two connected to create one of the best domestic laning duos, and their trust in each other led them back to Worlds. In the end, though, Keria's promise met a bitter end when they were eliminated in the quarterfinals.
After that season, Deft's long-standing rivals, T1, were in search of a new support player. They saw potential in his partner and pounced on the opportunity. Keria would soon sign and join Faker on a rapid ascent to stardom.
Now here, in the Worlds 2022 grand final, the two last ghosts Deft would face were the ones he held most dear: his eternal high school rival and the boy he once entrusted with a promise of glory.
"At the time, we parted with a promise to meet again at a higher place like this," Keria said in a pre-finals interview. "I'm very happy for this to come true in the World Final of 2022, but since we are enemies, I must be the one to win.
"Brother Hyeok-gyu, we ran for very long chasing for the same dream. But the reality that only one of us can make it is breaking my heart."
In the face of the greatest challenge of his career, Deft's once-strained demeanor appeared lightened. As the clock ticked onward to the defining match of his decade-long career, his desperation from earlier in the tournament had faded.
Deft painted his life story with his words, reflecting on all the challenges, the triumphs, and the bonds forged on his path.
"I just want to enjoy it," he said. "When we first started playing games, we wanted to have fun. ...The moment I imagined nonstop has come true. From the sweetness of becoming a champion to the bitterness of losing, there were many hardships. But looking back on it, they made me tougher.
"No matter how hard it was, I didn't give up. I kept moving forward."
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The day of the final battle arrived. A sold-out crowd descended upon the Chase Center in San Francisco, packing the seats to the rafters.
The air filled with palpable anticipation for the end of a story, one that was a month-long in structure but over ten years in the making.
Deft sprung from the tunnels of Chase Center, freed of the burden that once chained him. Opposite Deft, Faker marched commandingly with gravity behind every step. He carried a duty within himself each time he took to the stage. Few could ever fathom the standards to which he held himself as a professional.
"I don't feel any pressure from the various titles [and nicknames] that describe me," Faker said. "Rather than that, I seem to get motivation from those [words]. And it helps me progress and improve further. ... I have immense pride in the fact that I am the best at what I do. And with that pride comes immense responsibility. That responsibility [only] motivates me to work harder."
As the two sides took to the stage, it felt like the whole world was watching. Back and forth, they exchanged blows. The fans, first drawn in through the pomp and circumstance of the moment, were soon tied to every click of the mouse.
First, T1 struck. Then DRX returned. Through all the bombastic blows and thrilling plays, the series became a game of tennis. Two rivals pushed to their limits, sending volley after volley at their foe. Each hoping to find the perfect angle to break the other's resolve.
"Even if we lose, [I thought] 'Huh, it wasn't that bad.'" said Pyosik. "If we improve a little, we will be capable of winning next time. We will be fine if we can play at that level. My teammates are just way too good."
As they neared the curtain call, both teams stood at a stalemate—two games apiece, heading into a final map to decide everything.
What would entail in that last struggle couldn't be scripted—both sides reeling on tired legs, unforced errors turning into pivotal victories. At the end of it all, an unbelievable Baron steal from T1's Gumayusi bewildered the crowd, causing expletives to fly from the casters.
Now, DRX had their backs against the wall. Deft's fairytale ending pulled further from his reach. He remained at peace in the eye of all the chaos. His words spoken before the final ringing true as he rolled with the punches, pushing onwards T1's Nexus and refusing to accept defeat.
"When I went to Mapo High School, the school was far from where I lived," he said. So, I didn't have many friends and had [difficulty] getting used to everything. I started playing League back then, which helped me overcome loneliness and such feelings.
"To me, League is...I am currently a pro gamer, so it is my life. But before I began my pro gaming career, it was a game that helped me overcome hard times. It helped me grow up as a human being. It is the game that has helped me build everything I've got now. To me, it is an irreplaceable game."
Deft watched Worlds for the first time at Mapo High School, alone, daydreaming of how it might feel to be in that moment. It was a game that frustrated him, pushing him to the brink of surrender, but Deft would not raise that white flag. As T1's base fell, Deft's teammates sprung into his arms. Every sound in existence reverberated through his ears as confetti rained down—his dream, aligned.
What once started as a "last dance" evolved as Deft did throughout his adventure. Reinvigorated by his world championship victory, Deft knew now that he couldn't leave this life behind. In the end, he decided to continue pursuing his craft.
There was more work still to be done, though he knows when he does leave the world of pros for good, a quiet life awaits.
"Being a professional player, I'm thankful to all the fans supporting me," he said. "But I also feel scared of people, so even though I found how happy it is to be loved, I also found how frightening people can be. So I want to get a job related to things like animals or nature [once I retire]."
At the close, the two sides that had been in constant conflict had become whole, leaving a man resolved.
"To compare Deft to Kim Hyeok-gyu," he said. "In the past, I thought these two personas were very different. But now these are the same. The gamer named Deft is, actually...At first, I tried to make Deft the ideal gamer in my head. I tried to live like a machine that only played games.
"Recently, I accepted the fact that I'm not a machine. I take a rest when I am exhausted. When I get overwhelmed, I admit that I am overwhelmed. By doing that, Deft and Kim Hyeok-gyu became similar."
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A year later, on his 27th birthday, Deft finds himself in a familiar spot. Now donning the colors of Dplus KIA, the reigning champion faces another insurmountable challenge on the Worlds stage.
His team kicked off the new Swiss Stage format with an all-too-familiar 0-2 slump. With a single life remaining before elimination, Deft and Dplus must complete a feat far beyond his previous miracles. He must win six consecutive matches to defend his title; all with a target on his back.
This task might have broken him back in Mexico City, unsure of his future and self. But now, assured of his past, present, and future… It's just another opportunity to make the impossible possible.
"It's not just last year," Deft said in a recent interview. "But throughout my pro career, I've been in this perilous situation so many times, so I think all those experiences will help me… I still think we can win Worlds."
Still, in these moments of strife, he remembers the trip across North America that gave him strength to smile in the toughest of situations. 2022 DRX weren’t just a team, they were a band of brothers who left a permanent mark on Deft’s heart.
"The actual Worlds run was really short," Deft said, reminiscing over his former teammates. "And our time spent being sad after losing was much longer, but all the memories left with me are happy ones.”
**"I was just... happy."**
